Major Alan Chadwick (Sadhu Arunachala)
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Major Chadwick's Dream Incident
Sadhu Arunachala:
"We are such stuff As dreams are made of and our short life Is rounded by a sleep."
Shakespeare really did know what he was talking about and it was not just poetic effervescence. Maharshi used to say exactly the same.
I suppose I questioned Bhagavan more often on this subject than any others, though some doubts always remained for me. He had always warned that as soon as one doubt is cleared another will spring up in its place, and there is no end to doubts.
"But Bhagavan," I would repeat, "dreams are disconnected, while the waking experience goes on from where it left off and is admitted by all to be more or less continuous."
"Do you say this in your dreams?", Bhagavan would ask. "They seemed perfectly consistent and real to you then. It is only now, in your waking state that you question the reality of the experience. This is not logical."
Bhagavan refused to see the least difference between the two states, and in this he agreed with all the great Advaitic Seers. Some have questioned if Shankara did not draw a line of difference between these two states, but Bhagavan has persistently denied it. "Shankara did it apparently only for the purpose of clearer exposition," the Maharshi would explain.
However I tried to twist my questions, the answer I received was always the same: "Put your doubts when in the dream state itself. You do not question the waking state when you are awake, you accept it. You accept it in the same way you accept your dreams. Go beyond both states and all three states including deep sleep. Study them from that point of view. You now study one limitation from the point of view of another limitation. Could anything be more absurd? Go beyond all limitation, then come here with your doubts."
But in spite of this, doubt still remained. I somehow felt at the time of dreaming there was something unreal in it, not always of course, but just glimpses now and then.
"Doesn't that ever happen to you in your waking state too?" Bhagavan queried. "Don't you sometimes feel that the world you live in and the thing that is happening is unreal?" Still, in spite of all this, doubt persisted.
But one morning I went to Bhagavan and, much to his amusement, handed him a paper on which the following was written:
"Bhagavan remembers that I expressed some doubts about the resemblance between dreams and waking experience. Early in the morning most of these doubts were cleared by the following dream, which seemed particularly objective and real:
Indent "I was arguing philosophy with someone and pointed out that all experience was only subjective, that there was nothing outside the mind. The other person demurred, pointing out how solid everything was and how real experience seemed, and it could not be just personal imagination.
"I replied, 'No, it is nothing but a dream. Dream and waking experience are exactly the same.'
"'You say that now,' he replied, 'but you would never say a thing like that in your dream.'
"And then I woke up."
~ fromThe Call Divine, March 1954
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Will You Not Let Me Go?
Will you not let me go?
Like some insidious druggist you would make
Me come with craven pleading to your door,
And beg you of your mercy let me take
From out your potent wares a little more.
And so,
You will not let me go.
Will you not let me go?
Here, in an alien land I pass my hours,
Far from my country and all former ties.
A restless longing slowly me devours
That me all wordly happiness denies.
And so,
Will you not let me go?
Will you not let me go?
You tell me, "Yes, I do not keep you here."
That's but your fun. Why else should I stay?
While months pass by and mount up year by year
So that it seems I'll never go away.
And so,
You do not let me go.
Will you not let me go?
Nay, I'm a fool, I cannot if I would.
I am your slave, do with me what you will.
That you should all deny, well, that is good.
If it so pleases you. I'll speak no ill.
And so,
Refuse to let me go!
Will you not let me go?
I'm only sorry wax beneath your hands.
You've striven long to mould me into shape.
Your endless patience no one understands;
Your boundless love there's no escape.
And so,
You'll never let me go.
Will you not let me go?
I'm a fool that I should try to flee,
For here, there is a peace I'll never find
When I the least am separate from Thee;
Then I'll be but a slave to caitiff mind.
And so,
I do not wish to go.
~ by Sadhu Arunachala (Major A.W. Chadwick, O.B.E.)
from The Golden Jubilee Souvenir, 1946
Sri Ramanarpanamastu