28-12-45 Morning
It seems Echammal passed away at about 2-30 a.m. andthe matter was reported to Bhagavan only about 8 a.m. in the hall. The talk naturally was about Echammal and how from 1907 she persevered in offering food to Bhagavan without any break. Bhagavan also remembered three other persons who fed
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him when he was under the iluppai tree in the Big Temple. One was Dasi Rajambal who, it seems, took a vow that she would not eat before feeding Bhagavan and was feeding him for about two months until he moved away to Gurumoortham. It seems she continued to send food even to Gurumoortham for a day or two. But Bhagavan asked her to discontinue it. It seems this lady died only recently. Bhagavan mentioned also Meenakshi Ammal, a Kammala woman, and said, "She was like a rakshasi. She would daily go round the hill and then come and cook and bring food to me. After some time she began assuming control over everybody including Palaniswami. If others brought food, etc., she would give some to me and whatever remained she used to take away with her." (Bhagavan said, in the afternoon, "Our Nagappa's mother Ratnamma also used to bring food in those days"). Of food supplied regularly, LhP} (Kattalai) as Bhagavan put it, he said, "You don't know what trouble all such regular supply involves. Those who make it expect some control over you. It also creates some aham [?] in them. Everyone of them expects you to take something. One would say `@??V, Du ?LV??X ?L?gNm ?YV?' (`I say, serve something with your own hand'), and then each would serve something. The quantity would become too great. Any number of people bring any number of things, and at all times, and you must take them. Sometimes we used to mix up all things received, milk, food, porridge, etc., and drink it if the resulting mixture was a liquid. `Swami-hood' is very difficult. You cannot realise it. I am speaking from fifty years' experience. After such experience in Gurumoortham I wanted to avoid it by not remaining in any one place."
Afternoon
Santhamma came and reported to Bhagavan that Echamma
passed away peacefully and people did not even know when exactly life departed and that though she was unconscious for
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nearly two days, when she had a little consciousness at one time during these two days, the one question she asked was, "Has food been sent to Bhagavan?" (Later I learnt from Nagamma that this was not quite correct. It seems that somebody, to test whether Echamma's mind was clear and not wandering, asked the question "Has food been sent to Bhagavan today?" and Echammal at once showed recognition). Her body was cremated. I thereupon asked Bhagavan, "It is said in the case of such people they should not be cremated, but buried". Bhagavan replied, "It seems she herself had mentioned that her body should be cremated and that her bones alone should be taken and buried in her village." I also asked Bhagavan what he meant by his statement last night that "she would often remain with closed eyes". He explained, "She practised concentrating on the head centre and would be in a trance-like state for even two or three days with breath fully controlled. I told her it was only laya [?] and one should not be satisfied with it, but must get out of it and beyond it."
One Mr. Joshi, introduced by our Chaganlal Yogi, put the
following questions and Bhagavan gave the following answers:
Question 1: When I think `Who am I??', the answer comes
`I am not this mortal body but I am chaitanya, atma, or paramatma.' And suddenly another question arises — `Why has atma [?] come into maya?' or in other words `Why has God created this world?'
Answer: To enquire `Who am I?' really means trying to
find out the source of the ego or the `I' thought. You are not to think of other thoughts, such as `I am not this body, etc.' Seeking the source of `I' serves as a means of getting rid of all other thoughts. We should not give scope to other thoughts, such as you mention, but must keep the attention fixed on finding out the source of the `I' thought, by asking (as each thought arises) to whom the thought arises and if the answer is `I get the thought' by asking further who is this `I' and whence its source?
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Question 2: Is atma [?] a subject of sakshatkara [?]?
Answer: The atma [?] is as it is. It is sakshat always. There
are not two atmas, one to know and one to be known. To know it is to be it. It is not a state where one is conscious of anything else. It is consciousness itself.
Question 3: I do not understand the meaning of "brahma
satyam jagat mithya (Brahman is real, the world is unreal)". Does this world have real existence or not? Does the jnani not see the world or does he see it in a different form?
Answer: Let the world bother about its reality or
falsehood. Find out first about your own reality. Then all things will become clear. What do you care how the jnani sees the world? You realise yourself and then you will understand. The jnani sees that the world of names and forms does not limit the Self, and that the Self is beyond them.
Question 4: "I do not know how to worship. So kindly
show me the way to worship."
Answer: Is there a `worshipper' and a `worshipped'? Find
out the `I', the worshipper; that is the best way. Always the seer must be traced.