26-6-46
T.P.R. told Bhagavan that he took only kanji [?] (gruel) forlunch, as he had dysentery. Bhagavan spoke highly of the efficacy of a gruel made of rice, dried ginger, coriander and rock salt (induppu) and added: "It seems they are going to give us all kanji [?] (gruel) tomorrow morning. I am told Sama Thatha is going to prepare it. Somebody must have asked him to. People do not realize how wholesome kanji [?] is and how tasty." Bhagavan was
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then reminded of old Keerai Patti, who used to gather all kinds of green vegetables and cook them somehow, although she was half-blind. It seems Bhagavan would thoroughly enjoy it. "In those days we would make kanji [?] (gruel) and one aviyal [?] with all the vegetables we had on hand. None of the fine dishes they make here now can equal the simple fare we enjoyed then. People do not realize the enjoyment of such a meal." Bhagavan went on to say, "People don't know how a poor man appreciates his food, simple though it often is. He comes home terribly hungry after a day's hard work in the field or elsewhere, and then when he sits down for his meal, down goes one huge fistful after another until it looks as though he would swallow the plate as well. Your rich man sits down to a meal with all sorts of delicacies served on fine plates before him and nibbles or sips at one thing after another but relishes nothing and has no sort of satisfaction from all the luxury spread before him. Even after we came down here we still used to make kanji [?]. At first there were a lot of men working on the premises, clearing it of cactus and levelling it, and we used to prepare a midday meal for them in addition to their wages. For them and us together we used to prepare only two dishes; a huge pot of kanji [?] and another of all the vegetables we happened to have on hand. You can imagine the quantity when I tell you that the ladle we stirred it with was the branch of a tree. In those days I used to do all the grinding for the cooking. Once I made uppuma [?] out of `??WjRi?' (keeraithandu). Somebody had brought a whole sack of `??WjRi?' and we cut the whole lot up into small bits. There were seven or eight measures of it. I added one measure of `W?Y' (ravai) to it and boiled the whole lot well and made uppuma [?] out of it. Everyone enjoyed it as uppuma [?] made of ravai, but when I told them how it was really made, they were not so pleased. People always like something expensive."
When the Mauni brought the mail today he was limping
with a pain in his right thigh. Bhagavan advised him to rub some liniment on it and told the attendant to give him some.
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Bhagavan's small bottle for constant use was empty, so Bhagavan told the attendant to take the big bottle from the cupboard. Bhagavan told Vaikunta Vasar to take a small bottle of it to Mauni and see that he used it. When the large bottle was taken out of the cupboard Bhagavan noticed that it was not full, so he turned to Khanna, who had bought it for him, and said: "It looks as though you bought this for yourself or your children and then gave it to me when you saw what a state I am in. And perhaps the Chavanaprash you gave me was also bought for you or your children."
Khanna assured Bhagavan that the liniment was not
needed for himself or his family but had been bought specially for Bhagavan, and he explained that the reason why the bottle was not full was that he had bought it in several smaller bottles and transferred it to this large one.
A little later he handed Bhagavan a piece of paper on
which he had written something. After reading it, Bhagavan said: "It is a complaint. He says: `I have been coming to you and this time I have remained nearly a month at your feet and I find no improvement at all in my condition. My vasanas are as strong as ever. When I go back my friends will laugh at me and ask what good my stay here has done me'."
Then, turning to Khanna, Bhagavan said, "Why distress
your mind by thinking that jnana [?] has not come or that the vasanas have not disappeared? Don't give room for thoughts. In the last stanza of Sukavari by Thayumanavar, the Saint says much the same as is written on this paper." And Bhagavan made me read the stanza and translate it into English for the benefit of those who do not know Tamil. It goes: "The mind mocks me and though I tell you ten thousand times you are indifferent, so how am I to attain peace and bliss?"
Then I said to Khanna, "You are not the only one who
complains to Bhagavan like this. I have more than once
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complained in the same way, and I still do, for I find no improvement in myself."
Khanna replied, "It is not only that I find no improvement
but I think I have grown worse. The vasanas are stronger now. I can't understand it."
Bhagavan again quoted the last three stanzas of
Mandalathin of Thayumanavar, where the mind is coaxed as the most generous and disinterested of givers, to go back to its birthplace or source and thus give the devotee peace and bliss, and he asked me to read out a translation of it that I once made.
Khanna then asked, "The illumination plus mind is jivatma
and the illumination alone is paramatma; is that right?"
Bhagavan assented and then pointed to his towel and
said, "We call this a white cloth, but the cloth and its whiteness cannot be separated, and it is the same with the illumination and the mind that unite to form the ego." Then he added: "The following illustration that is often given in books will also help you. The lamp in the theatre is the Parabrahman or the illumination, as you put it. It illumines itself and the stage and actors. We see the stage and the actors by its light, but its light still continues when there is no more play. Another illustration is an iron rod that is compared to the mind. Fire joins it and it becomes red-hot. It glows and can burn things, like fire, but still it has a definite shape, unlike fire. If we hammer it, it is the rod that receives the blows, not the fire. The rod is the jivatma and the fire the Self or Paramatma."