12-7-46

On the 8th news had come of the death of Madhava Swami
and Bhagavan had spoken a good deal about it. In the evening Kunjuswami left for Kumbakonam, where the death took place, and this morning he returned. He said: "It seems that about 20 days before his death Madhava Swami left Kumbakonam saying he was coming here, but actually he took a ticket to Palni. After staying there he seems to have gone to Palghat and to his home village. Then he went to Trichy and stayed a few days with our Tirumala Chetty and from there returned to Kumbakonam about a week before his death. It seems that the whole of this week he was saying: `Wherever I go I feel wretched. I don't feel at ease anywhere. If I go to Ramanasramam they may not allow me there, but after having had the privilege of serving Bhagavan for so long I can no longer bear the burden of this body anywhere else. I must throw it off." It seems that this thought was constantly with him and he went about moody and morose. The day before he died he was complaining of indigestion, but for a whole week his digestion had not been good."

Bhagavan asked what gave him indigestion. Kunju Swami said, "It seems to have been due to eating a
mango. They never agreed with him. At about four on Sunday afternoon, the 7th, he was offered some lunch but refused it and asked for a bottle of soda-water. Soon after that he perspired all over and left his body, sitting in the padmasana posture."

When the post arrived it brought a letter with news of the
death of L. Sarma's first daughter-in-law. This led Bhagavan to speak of death. He said: "The dead are fortunate. It is only those
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who are left behind who feel miserable. It is our constant concern to bear the burden of this body and look after its needs. Day in, day out, this is our occupation — bathing, eating, massaging our legs, and so on — no end to it. When we die it takes four persons to carry this body and yet we carry it about constantly without even stopping to think that we are doing so. We can easily lift a heavy stone under water, but as soon as we take it out we find how heavy it is, and in the same way we don't feel the weight of the body as long as a chaitanya ^[?] or life force permeates it.

"Deathlessness is our real nature, and we falsely ascribe
it to the body, imagining that it will live for ever and losing sight of what is really immortal, simply because we identify ourselves with the body. It says in the Upanishads that the jnani looks forward eagerly to the time when he can throw off the body, just as a labourer carrying a heavy load looks forward to reaching his destination and laying it down."