XVI
Madhavi Ammal

Srimathi Madhavi Ammal, a staunch devotee, was
fortunate in having many opportunities to talk to Sri
Bhagavan freely and appeal to him direct for upadesa. Sri
Bhagavan made things easy for her in many ways, one of
which was talking to her in her native Malayalam. He gave
a patient hearing to her tales of woe which were many. This
is visible in a film on Sri Bhagavan which is screened
occasionally at the Ashram. The devotee seems to have almost
wrested the upadesa from the Guru by her perseverance
according to the following narrative of hers.

I KNEW FULL well that Sri Bhagavan gave no formal upadesa
(initiation) but I kept on asking for it whenever an opportunity
presented itself. Invariably Sri Bhagavan used to reply, "Who is
the Guru and who is the sishya (disciple)? They are not two.

There is but One Reality. It is in you and It can neither be
given nor taken. But you may read books for intellectual
understanding."

On March 12, 1934 after prayers at the Shrine of Sri
Mathrubhuteswara I went to the old hall. Only the attendant
Madhava Swami was with Sri Bhagavan. When I made my usual
request Sri Bhagavan laid aside the newspaper he was reading and
sat in padmasana, quite absorbed. I then recited a (general) hymn
of praise to the Guru in Telugu and also Aksharamanamalai in
Telugu (the hymn on Sri Arunachala by Sri Bhagavan). Sri
Bhagavan turned to Madhava Swami and said, "She has prayed
to Sri Arunachala." This struck me as meaning that Sri Arunachala
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will give the initiation and also that Sri Bhagavan and Sri
Arunachala are not two. Sri Bhagavan resumed his state of
absorption and I had my persistent request for upadesa. But he
continued to sit motionless. Finally I begged of him, "Am I not a
competent person to receive upadesa? Sri Bhagavan should himself
tell me about this. Even if Sri Bhagavan confirms this how is it
that I adopted him as my Guru immediately on hearing of him
(she was just told that a Rishi lived at the foot of the Hill)? Will it
all be in vain?" Immediately on my speaking thus I found a bright
light emanating from Sri Bhagavan's holy face, and the effulgence
filled the whole Hall. I could not see Sri Bhagavan's body but
only the brilliance. I shed tears in profusion. The whole incident
could have lasted just two seconds! I prostrated to Sri Bhagavan.

There was a smile on his face but no movement otherwise. After
a while Sri Bhagavan turned to me as if to ask, "Are you rid of
your mania?" Yes, I was. He then took a piece of paper, wrote a
sloka (verse) on it and gave it to me saying, "You can make use of
it in meditation."

This is the sloka:

I adore Guha the Dweller in the Cave of the Heart, the
Son of the Protector of the Universe, the Pure Light of Awareness
beyond thought, the Wielder of the weapon of Jnana Sakti and
the Remover of the ignorance of blemishless devotees. 1
And again he smiled graciously.

This was wonderful upadesa indeed by a Master rare to
see. My Master taught me the great truth that there is only
ONE. The proper Guru is one who shows what is. This was but
a practical demonstration of the saying
"The Master's face reveals Brahman. You attain Brahman
through Grace."

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