Sivaprakasam Pillai
Bhagavan Sri Ramana
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By Michael James
Part 2 of 2, The Mountain Path, April, Vol. 25, No. 1, January 1988
However, after some time Pillaiyavargal found that his attempts to practise Self-enquiry unceasingly were being obstructed by the lustful desires which began burning him. Unable to overcome this problem even by praying inwardly to his Guru, and bearing in mind both the Vedic injunction cited in Kaivalya Navaneetam 2.75, "If you are afflicted with lust, embrace your wife", and the words of Sri Bhagavan, "Marriage is a means to remove the sense of difference between woman and man"1, he decided that he should marry once again. But many obstacles stood in the way of his carrying out this decision, not least of all being his financially unsound status, and thus his mind was placed in a state of dilemma. Finally in April 1913 he decided to appeal to the Almighty, and hence he wrote four questions on a paper,
"What am I to do to escape all miseries in this world? Should I marry the girl I have in mind? If I should not, why not? If I should, how to acquire the necessary money for that'?"2, and humbly placed the paper at the Feet of Lord Vinayakar in his village temple, with the prayer that the answers should either be written on the paper or imparted directly. He also mentally promised that if the answers were vouchsafed to him during that night, he would abide by them steadfastly, but that if no answers were forthcoming, he would seek the guidance of Sri Bhagavan in Tiruvannamalai.
1 These words of Sri Bhagavan are cited by Pillaiyavargal in verse 31 of Sri Ramana Pada Malai (see The Mountain Path, April 1972, p. 91).
2 Anugraha Ahaual, lines 139-145 (in Tamil) .
Though Pillaiyavargal waited all night in patient expectation, no answers were vouchsafed to' him, and hence he started at once for Tiruvannamalai. Hesitating to broach openly the subject he had in mind with Sri Bhagavan, he sat quietly in His Presence for several days. As he observed the detached life lived by Sri Bhagavan, through example Sri Bhagavan silently impressed upon him that "not desiring anything, making the expanding mind subside, attending to Self and abiding as Self is alone the good path to attain what is beneficial"3. Thus Pillaiyavargal was made to feel that it would be base -minded on his part to ask Sri Bhagavan questions about such petty matters as marriage and money, and hence he decided to return to his village without asking any questions.
After deciding thus, but before he could start for his village, Pillaiyavargal had several visions of Sri Bhagavan occurring over a period of a few days, both in waking and dream. These visions, which he has described in lines 156 to 200 of Anugraha Ahaval4, made a powerful impression upon his mind, and as a result he felt completely relieved of his problems and of the desire to marry again. The thought of returning to his village also vanished from his mind, and thus he remained in Sri Bhagavan's Presence for some more days. Since on an earlier occasion Sri Bhagavan had once told him, "Eating when hunger comes by begging food from house to house is an aid to destroy the ego", Pillaiyavargal one day had his head shaved clean and came and prostrated to Sri Bhagavan, with the idea of going out to beg his food and at a later stage to take to a life of complete outward renunciation. Sri Bhagavan at once understood what Pillaiyavargal had in mind, but either due to His knowing the lot destiny had in store for him, or due to a compassionate feeling that he should not suffer in future by living only upon alms, Sri Bhagavan looked at him and said, "It is good to grow a tuft 5, and after a pause, "One can practise Self -enquiry while remaining at home".
Soon after this incident, Pillaiyavargal's maternal aunt came to Tiruvannamalai, having noticed his prolonged absence from home. When she informed Sri Bhagavan that she wished to take Pillaiyavargal back home, He readily gave his consent. Writing about this, Sri Manikkam Pillai infers that since Sri Bhagavan was not in favour of Pillaiyavargal taking to a life of complete outward renunciation, it was by His divine Grace that at the same time a thought was kindled in the mind of his aunt to take him back home.6 Understanding that it was the will of Sri Bhagavan that he should return home, Pillaiyavargal left Tiruvannamalai along with his aunt. From that time onwards he began to live a life of solitude in a Vinayaka temple on the outskirts of his village or in the nearby woods, and he devoted his time exclusively to the practice of Self -enquiry.
3 Anugraha Ahaval, lines 150-152.
4 An account of these visions in English may also be found in Self-Realisation, 7th ed., pp. 79-80.
5 These words of Sri Bhagavan are referred to by Pillaiyavargal in verse 15 of Sri Ramana Deva Malai. According to traditional Hindu customs, having a tuft of hair is the sign of being a householder, whereas shaving off the tuft is the sign of being a renunciant, and hence a person with a tuft would not go begging for alms.
6 Sri Sivaprakasa Charitamum Malaiyum, pp. 14-15.
After some time, however, a change began to take place in his outward behaviour. Sometimes for no apparent reason he would suddenly start laughing with irrepressible joy; he would often chant Tiruvachakam and other hymns in a loud voice; he would pay obeisance with folded hands to all forms he saw; and he began wearing only a loin-cloth with a vibhuti bag tucked into it, he smeared his whole body with ashes, he carried a long staff, he forgot all codes (acharas) of caste and religion, and without any sense of difference he began frequenting places such as the cremation ground and the cheri (the area inhabited by the lowest castes). During this period he made a barefoot pilgrimage to the temple of Lord Murugar at Vayalur, near Tiruchirapalli. When he saw the form of Lord Murugar in that temple, it appeared to him that the spear in the Lord's hand was moving. Deeply moved on seeing this, tears welled forth from the eyes, and with great devotion he sang the praises of the Lord. While returning home, he readily accepted and ate stale gruel and other sour food from anyone who offered it. As a result of his walking such a long distance every day, his feet began bleeding, but nevertheless he continued to hobble on slowly. One night, while he was sleeping in a public resting-house, someone stole his upper cloth. Since his loin-cloth became covered with fine red dust due to his walking along the mud roads, it appeared like the ochre cloth of a sannyasi. With a long staff in hand and wearing only a dust-covered loin-cloth, when he turned to his village he appeared like an image of Lord Murugar Himself. Since he was formerly having a desire to be a sannyasi, it was perhaps by divine Grace that during this period of his life that desire was temporarily fulfilled in this manner.
Soon after his return from Vayalur, Pillaiyavargal regained his normal state and with increased vairagya he continued his steady and persevering practice of Self-enquiry, and for some time he also observed outward mouna. From that time onwards, little change was seen in his outward life. For many years he would unfailingly visit Tiruvannamalai three or four times a year and would stay each time for ten or fifteen days in the Presence of Sri Bhagavan. Except for these visits to Tirunvannamalai, he seldom stirred out of his village. Since the time he returned from Tiruvannamalai in May 1913, all his material needs were taken care of by his brother, Sri Kunjithapadam Pillai and the latter's wife, both of whom served him with great love and devotion. A fellow villager, Sri Mu. Manikkam Pillai, became attached to Pillaiyavargal from the early days, and attended on him as a devoted disciple for more than thirty years.
Such was the respect with which the local people regarded Pillaiyavargal that some years after his return from Vayalur he received an honorary appointment as a juror in the Manjakuppam Sessions Court. Saddened by this unexpected turn of events, he composed four venbas in which he prayed to Sri Bhagavan and asked, "Do you think it justice to think of sending me to a court of justice ?"7 However, understanding that such work came only according to prarabdha and was to be experienced with a detached attitude free of likes and dislikes, for some years he served as a juror whenever he was called upon to do so. In a similar manner, on another occasion he was called upon to render honorary service in connection with the local census. Since he was well known for his impartiality and sense of justice, local people used to come to him for advice and guidance in matters concerning court cases and disputes about the ownership of land or houses, and he always gave his help without expecting any return. Since his advice on such matters and on other personal problems invariably turned out to be correct, many people came to regard his words as daiva vak or divine utterances. He also used to explain the meaning of spiritual texts in Tamil to all who came to him seeking clarification.
7 These four venbas are printed on pp. 22 - 23 of Sri Sivaprakasa Charitamum Malaiyum.
Pillaiyavargal continued to visit Tiruvannamalai up to the year 1947, though in the later years due to old age he was not able to visit as frequently as before. Once, while feeling depressed at his inability to visit Sri Bhagavan more frequently, he consoled himself by composing a Tamil verse which means: "Without understanding what Ramana-darsanam really is, why are you disconsolate longing for Ramana-darsanam? Ramana-swarupa is itself my own swarupa, (and hence) Ramana-darsanam is only my knowing myself."8
During his many visits to Sri Bhagavan, especially in the early years, Pillaiyavargal received from Him many upadesas, some of which were of a general nature and some of which were very personal. Many of the more striking of these upadesas have been recorded by him in his poems Sri Ramana Pada Malai, Sri Ramana Sadguru Malai and Sri Ramana Deva Malai. In these poems, and also in his Vinnappam, he repeatedly prays for the Grace of Sri Bhagavan, expressing his own inability to follow the upadesas given by Him. However, on reading his prayers, we should not feel dejected thinking "If even he could not follow Sri Bhagavan's teachings, what hope is there for us?". When we feel our inability to follow the Guru's teachings, that is in fact the working of the Guru's grace, because as Sri Bhagavan says in verse 794 of Guru Vachaka Kovai, ''The fruit of (the Guru's) making a failure of one's efforts is to induce one to seek the Grace of the Guru by making one understand that the attainment of Self-knowledge) cannot be achieved by one's own efforts but only by the Guru's Grace." Although Pillaiyavargal must often have felt (as does any other sincere sadhaka) his inability to follow Sri Bhagavan's teachings, the fact that he prayed so earnestly for Sri Bhagavan's Grace shows that he was gaining the real fruit of his repeated efforts, which were only seemingly unsuccessful. Moreover, when a devotee once asked Sri Bhagavan, "Sivaprakasam Pillai, who is such a good man, such an ardent devotee and a longstanding disciple, has written a poem saying that Sri Bhagavan's instructions could not be carried out by him effectively in practice. What can be the lot of others then?" Sri Bhagavan replied "Sri Acharya (Sri Adi Sankara) also says similar things when he composes songs in praise of any deity. How else can they praise God?"9. That is, if one adopts the jiva bhava (the attitude of being an individual soul) and praises God, one cannot but sing of the limitation and short-comings of one's individual existence, as can be seen even from the Hymns sung by Sri Bhagavan Himself in praise of Arunachala.
Moreover, the fact that Pillaiyavargal finally achieved the goal of Self-knowledge for which he so earnestly strove and prayed, was subtly indicated by Sri Bhagavan Himself. That is, after Pillaiyavargal passed away on Tuesday the 12th January 1948, a telegram was sent to Sri Bhagavan conveying the news, and on seeing the telgram Sri Bhagavan said in Tamil, "Sivaprakasam Sivaprakasamanar" which means 'Sivaprakasam has become Siva-Prakasam, the light of Siva' !10
8 This verse is printed on pp. 20 -21 of Sri Sivaprakasa Charitamum Malaiyum.
9 Talks No. 630 (p. 592).
10 P. 154 of The Path of Sri Ramana Part One (1981 ed.), and lines 724-725 of Sri Ramana Charita Ahava.
Sri Ramanarpanamastu